5 Habits of the Mind That Make Heartbreak Worse (and What to Do Instead) — Calm Blog
This post is written in partnership with Bumble.
Heartbreak can be so intensely painful that most of us wouldn’t wish it on our worst enemy. The experience can feel tremendous and life-changing. And while you may not believe it when you’re going through it, the transformation brought on by heartbreak can open you up to a bigger, more beautiful love.
But first, you must live and breathe through the time that it takes to grieve and mend your tender heart. While you can’t rush healing, you can get out of your way and help the process by recognizing the thoughts and beliefs that cause further suffering. Consider these unhelpful habits of the mind and how mindfulness can help you overcome them when dealing with heartbreak.
Ruminating on what-ifs
Anyone who’s tried meditating knows that the mind often busies itself trying to figure out how to best control your life. This mechanism goes into overdrive when things fall apart and we’re feeling pain. The mind frantically goes back in time to find out where things went wrong: “Did I text too often? Maybe I didn’t text enough?” While we might rationalize this as a helpful reflection, trying to fix the situation is a sneaky way that the mind attempts to escape pain.
Rather than cycling through the would’ves, could’ves and should’ves, tend to your heart in the present moment. Meet yourself with all the care and compassion you can muster. Buy yourself flowers. Cook yourself dinner. Take yourself on long walks. Make a date with your therapist. Meditate or feel your feet on the ground when you notice yourself falling down a rabbit hole of “if onlies.”
Try this mindful mantra next time you catch yourself ruminating: