5 Façons de Date avec courage, Calme Blog
Whatever type of commitment you aspire to — from swiping to the altar, or just a fun date — every stage of a relationship is an opportunity for personal transformation and meaningful connection. Whether you end up finding love, a helpful lesson, a quirky conversation, or a more solid sense of self, it’s possible to enjoy the adventure.
This stuff wasn’t taught in school (and certainly not in rom-coms), so we’re partnering with Bumble, the women-first social networking app, to help you make the best of every moment while you’re looking for the one (or the next one). Here are five ways to date courageously.
Stay in the present
When sparks fly, our minds can easily fast forward into the future. After only a few dates you might catch yourself planning the wedding or wondering what you’ll name your first dog. Or you might start to fear heartbreak before you even know if they have any brothers or sisters. It’s natural for the mind to wander like this, but we do a disservice to both ourselves and our date by not staying present. Get curious about the unique specks of color in their eyes, listen to the way they laugh, and stay connected to how your body feels when you are with them. All of the information you gather in the moment will help you to discover if this is a person you really want in your life. Be here now. Breath by breath. Date by date.
Walk away when it’s not working
According to Jemma Ahmed, Head of Insights at Bumble, close to 1 in 4 people on Bumble are newly single after experiencing a breakup during the peak of the pandemic. And while that may sound a little sad, it can turn out to be a good thing. Jemma explains that “the time and space afforded by lockdown inspired many people to courageously end relationships that weren’t working and to instead focus on themselves”. Sometimes we end up staying in a relationship for the wrong reasons. Perhaps the person doesn’t treat us well but we figure it’s better than being alone. Or the chemistry isn’t there, but we enjoy the experience of being liked. Or we’re ignoring some serious red flags. Consider the energy you’re investing in the relationship and explore if it might be better spent elsewhere. Remember that an ending is also a new beginning.
Dating gets stressful when we try to play it cool. Anxiety arises as we wonder when to text or what to reveal about ourselves. We’re not proposing you share your most embarrassing moments on a first date, but we think it’s really cool to be yourself. When we allow ourselves to be seen (and another person digs what they see), it’s truly one of the best feelings in the world. Meanwhile, spending hours trying to craft the perfect text message or pretending to be someone you’re not is exhausting, not to mention you might wake up one day and not even recognize yourself. At the end of the day, you want to be with someone who likes you just the way you are. Oops, we just quoted a rom-com — do you know which one? All to say, be you, be free, and you’ll be much closer to finding true intimacy.